Why We Need to Talk to Our Kids About Hard Things (And How to Actually Do It)

Mama Said There’ll Be Days Like This – Part 1

Okay, let me start with this disclaimer: I do not have all the answers, and I’m still a rookie at this mom thing. I’m only about 5 years in at this point, so I’m just praying I don’t screw my own kids up! I really don’t even know why anyone would ask me to talk about parenting, but here we are.

For those who don’t know me, I’m Nikki Eidt. I’m married to Phillip, and together we have 2 wild animals—I mean children—Cecelia (5) and Bo (2). I’m also a licensed professional counselor and marriage and family therapist at Banner Solutions (formerly Christian Counseling Center). Most importantly, I’m a Christian who’s trying to figure out this whole parenting thing one day at a time.

The only truth we can bank our lives on is the word of God, so if anything I say doesn’t align with Scripture, follow what God says, not me… and then let me know so I can do better too.

The Reality Check We All Need

Here’s the thing: if we don’t talk to our kids about the hard stuff, someone else will. And trust me, you probably won’t like their version of the conversation.

The world is going to throw everything at our children—questions about their bodies, confusing messages about relationships, technology that can be both wonderful and dangerous, death, bullying, and so much more. We can either be the ones guiding these conversations with truth and love, or we can let Google, their friends, or worse become their teachers.

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” – Deuteronomy 6:6-7

The Game-Changing Communication Principles

After years of counseling families and navigating my own parenting journey, here are the non-negotiables I’ve learned about talking to kids:

1. Make It Continuous, Not a One-Time Event

The best way to avoid having “THE TALK” is to constantly have ongoing dialogue that evolves as they grow. Start talking about things in a developmentally appropriate way as early as possible and let the conversation continue throughout their lives.

When it’s just part of the norm to discuss difficult topics, you decrease the stigma and discomfort. Your kids won’t be blindsided by tough conversations because they’ve been having them with you all along.

2. Ditch the Formal Sit-Down

These talks don’t have to be awkward sit-downs that make everyone squirm. Little kids are often more receptive while playing. Older kids? The car is your secret weapon. Seriously! Minimal eye contact required, and they can’t escape. Hopefully, you’ve made these conversations comfortable enough that they won’t prefer to roll out into oncoming traffic rather than talk to you.

3. Be Their Safe Place

Let your kids talk to you and share difficult things without judgment or overreaction. Sure, you might need to discipline if rules are broken, but praise them for their honesty and responsibility. Never shame or judge them.

Let honesty, openness, and humility be badges of honor in your home rather than trying to raise children who never make mistakes or experience hard stuff. And please—don’t go telling all your friends and family their business. How can they feel comfortable confiding in you if Aunt Sue starts discussing their personal struggles at Sunday dinner?

4. Honesty Is Non-Negotiable

If you want your kids to be honest with you, you must be honest with them. ALWAYS. Even when it’s hard. Obviously, cater this to what’s developmentally appropriate.

Here’s an example: My 5-year-old asks why I’m crying after I hang up the phone. I don’t wipe my tears and pretend everything is fine. I answer honestly, “Grandma is very sick, and the doctors don’t think she’s going to get better.” When she asks if Grandma is going to die, I say, “Yes, sweetheart, we think Grandma will go to heaven soon to be with Jesus. That makes me sad because I’ll miss her, but I’m also happy that she won’t hurt anymore.” She processes this and asks a few more questions, which I answer simply. I didn’t go into details about the terminal diagnosis or my own fears about losing my mother because that would create more anxiety and questions way over her head and back me into a corner.

5. Check Yourself

Are you avoiding difficult topics because YOU are uncomfortable? Get over it. I say that with love, and I hope you’d tell me the same thing.

If you’re so uncomfortable that you can’t have these conversations, you need to work through that. Because someone else WILL talk to them about it, or worse—they’ll Google it. You’re responsible for teaching them. If they sense these topics are off-limits or you set the tone that “this just isn’t something we talk about,” then they won’t talk to you about it.

It’s impossible to not communicate. Your silence and avoidance are still sending a message.

6. No Secrets Policy

You can ask my 5-year-old right now what we don’t have in our family, and she’d say “a pool” and then “secrets.” She knows we tell each other everything in our family. When she asks me not to tell Daddy something, nope—we don’t have secrets.

My little future attorney loves a good loophole and has used this against me when I’ve said “I can’t tell you” or “that’s none of your business.” So I’ve learned to say things like “it’s a surprise” or find truthful ways that maintain my role as the filter while upholding our no-secrets standard.

We don’t have secrets because predators love secrets, and I want my kid to know that secrets are bad. Always. Even between friends. If a predator tells her he’ll hurt me if she tells, I want her to tell me anyway—because I assure you, Mama’s gonna win that fight.

7. Point Them Back to Truth

God’s word is the only truth we can trust in this world. As Christian parents, it’s our duty to mold a biblical worldview for our children. When you’re talking to them, show them what the Bible says about whatever topic you’re discussing. Open the Bible and show them in black and white what the truth is.

If they have questions, take them to the Bible and look for answers in God’s word. This teaches them that when they have questions, they go to the only source of TRUTH. Even if the topic seems small, find a way to reference it back to God’s holy word.

As Hillary Morgan Ferrer says in Mama Bear Apologetics: “I want my churched-up, prayed-up, pre-school kid to be a skeptic too! Why? Because being a skeptic means that he will question what is presented to him. This is important because I will not always be the one presenting the ideas. A child who understands how to discover truth is primed for a faith that lasts much longer than that of a child who is merely presented with the truth.”

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

The Bottom Line

Our kids are going to face hard things. That’s not a maybe—it’s a guarantee. But when we create homes where difficult conversations are normal, where honesty is valued over perfection, where God’s word is our compass, and where kids know they’re safe to share anything, we’re giving them the tools they need to navigate this world.

In my next post, we’ll dive into one of the topics parents ask me about most: how to talk to kids about sex in a way that’s honest, age-appropriate, and grounded in biblical truth.

Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to walk through the questions together, with God’s word as your guide.

What hard conversation have you been avoiding with your kids? What’s one small step you could take this week to open that door?